It's ok not to be ok!
Let's be honest about how we are actually feeling.
As mums we can take it all on, all of the time, slap on a smile and trudge through the chaos that being a working or non working mum can be. I know on days when someone asked me how I was doing my answer was ‘fine’, my facial expression was a smile and then I avoided answering any other questions. Deflection at its finest!
But what if we were more open about not being fine and what if it was ok to say “today I don't feel myself” or “not great” or “terrible” even.
What I am getting at is normalising feeling ok to feel not ok and to tell people just that. At times we may need help from a professional to achieve your goals, overcome limitations and boost your mental health and that's ok too. Lots of people do it but don't necessarily talk about it either.
The Coaching Tools Company writes is beautifully:
One of the hardest questions to answer when we're not feeling great is "How are you?". Depending on who is asking, how well we know them, where we are - we will say something different. And it's all too easy to just brush off what's going on with us and reply, "Oh, I'm fine. You?". We're supposed to be happy, right?
But what happens when we are having a bad day, week or month? When we say things are "fine" and they're not, we continue the negative cultural avoidance of talking about our mental health. When we say we're OK, but we're not really:
We abandon our 'selves'. By saying "I'm fine" we're saying that what we really feel (who we are in that moment) is not important enough to say aloud.
We remove the opportunity to build connections - and receive support from another.
We maintain the cultural expectation that we should not "complain", and that emotional health should not be discussed. This makes it hard for others to share what's going on with them - and the cultural expectation of OK-ness continues.
Mental Health Matters!
“Lead the way! Be brave and courageous in normalising the conversation around mental well-being. ”
Encourage and inspire people to get talking about their mental well-being. Mums can too often feel like they are failing if they admit that everything is not ok; that they are struggling with balancing, boundaries, being overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, struggling to find time with their partner or husband or have lost all connection to who they used to be. I have found out from so many mum friends afterwards how they were not feeling ok and it saddens me to think we could not share in that experience as we went through similarities together.
We have clear definitions for what physical health looks like - but defining our mental health or well-being is quite a bit fuzzier! And we don't always feel comfortable talking about it. I would love for mental well-being to be something we talk about as naturally as our physical health.
I urge you to share, Mums.
Parting Thoughts
It has taken getting pregnant for a second time, 3 years later, for me to open up and seek support and tell people I'm not ok. The more you do it the more comfortable you become doing it and you know who you can trust with your feelings. To those people who I do share with you are invaluable to me. I am so appreciative of them and truly grateful for the non judgemental space we share together.
I believe Mums have the potential to lead happy, calm and stress free lives that they absolutely love. Helping Mums achieve this is what my coaching and psychotherapy services are all about.
For help on your journey, drop me an email or phone/message me on +353 87 646 1257.